I'M doing one of my least favourite things this weekend — travelling.

Even worse, it's a stag do. What could be worse? Twenty-odd "lads" (for lads, read: grown men in their 30s with children and/or mortgages) let loose for two days in Albufeira.

Flying off somewhere sunny is no fun at the best of times.

Everything takes so long and at every possible stage of the journey there is someone waiting to rip you off.

Want to park your car at the airport? That'll be £20 please. Want to take sun cream with you? You can only buy it once you're through security and it will cost you double the price of the high street.

Have you got a small plastic bag for your toiletries? There are blokes handing them out for free at security but just to confuse you, before you get to security, there is also a machine selling them for a quid.

Fancy a beer on the plane? That'll be £4 for a tiny can of warm Stella (or a fiver if you also want a fun size Twix).

?Feeling a bit peckish? Think about what might seem like a reasonable price to pay for a two pieces of bread either side of some dry chicken - then add £5.?

Given this is a "lads on tour" trip, there will most likely be some organised fun.

So I can forget about doing anything vaguely relaxing, like reading a book by the pool with half a pint of ice cold San Miguel.

Or a visit to the old town to see some historical ruins followed by tapas and a siesta.

This will be compulsory drinking games — with non-participation punished by more drinking. In other words, hell.

I reckon I can forget about eating any sort of proper local food, which is usually the only thing which makes a holiday passable (stop me if you think I'm sounding like a miserable old git).

I could be wrong, but I'm thinking we'll be mainly eating in those terrible "Brit-caf's" where they show re-runs of Only Fools and Horses and Sky Sports News and the full English comes with a pint of lager rather than a skinny latte.

I'm too old for all this sort of thing.

?My final grumble is that we're going on the one weekend this year when it is actually sunny in Bolton. What are the chances?

I'll let you know how I get on next week. If I survive, that is.