IT’S long been a problem just what constitutes domestic abuse largely beause women don’t always recognise it for what it is.

A broken arm, black eye, swollen lip or bruised face are pretty straightforward. But often alongside this kind of violent behaviour meted out by a partner is control.

Now, the Government is proposing to criminalise emotional abuse, adjusting current domestic abuse laws by adding a new offence to include men who bully and cause psychological harm to their partners.

While commonsense may tell us that this could be very difficult to prove in court, the great thing is that the net is being widened to catch all-round abusive behaviour.

Home Office statistics reveal that two women are killed by domestic abuse every week in England and Wales. Although this is shocking, the “hidden statistic” is that every day thousands of women are demeaned, damaged and robbed of confidence and self-esteem by controlling partners who insist on dictating how they behave.

Imagine not being allowed to have your hair cut, talk to your family, visit friends or even  cuddle your children. Yet this is exactly what happened to some of the women who became residents at Lewis House, Bolton’s own refuge run by the Fortalice organisation for women and children escaping domestic abuse.

Tricia’s husband of 42 years would dictate where and when she could go out, even checking till receipts to satisfy himself which shops she had been in and how long it had taken her. She felt his controlling behaviour was “normal and acceptable” because she knew no better. Finally, it was his violence that forced her to flee.

Louise had to watch her autistic daughter descend further and further into her own private world because she was never allowed to show her love. Her husband told her so often that she was a “useless mother” she believed it.

In the refuge she started to re-build her relationship with her child. Through its Freedom Programme to help women get their lives back, she was “shocked” to realise that her husband’s very controlling behaviour was abuse. She simply hadn’t identified it as that.

The new Government proposals are definitely a step in the right direction, but the biggest seachange needs to come from women themselves – in recognising that being controlled and bullied is unacceptable. And that  they don’t have to continue taking it.