SORRY, football fans, but I howled laughing at the demands stipulated by multi-millionaire Sunderland striker Jermain Defoe in his advert for an “Executive Personal Assistant.”

He wanted this extra-special PA to do everything from stocking his fridge and organising his wardrobe to upgrading his public profile, and taking care of four family members and their pets.

The reward for this 24/7 glorified skivvy role was £60,000 a year. Obviously, only the ultra-dedicated and totally deluded need apply.

We always knew the top footballers were on another planet and this merely confirms that they really don’t live in the real world.