Celebrities say the funniest things

1:45pm Thursday 27th March 2008

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QUOTE of the week comes from everyone's favourite grumpster, Morrissey, who described his excitement at his upcoming headline slot at the Wireless festival by saying he intended to "take Hyde Park like a flea inhabits a dog."

Now let's think about this for a second. What exactly did he mean? Is he going to be tenacious? Bloodsucking? A little bit itchy?

Of course, that's by no means the oddest thing the Moz has ever said. But even his world of weird can hardly compare to the celebrities over the pond, whose grasp on reality is tenuous at best.

Sylvester Stallone once said that after he died he's probably come back as a paintbrush, and Jessica Simpson claimed that anorexic people didn't exist in Texas.

When it comes to matters of life and death, those celebrities have certainly got their facts straight. Brooke Shields said: "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."

Damn straight. Oddly, Cyndi Lauper is credited with saying: "If you have intercourse you run the risk of dying and the ramifications of death are final," so perhaps they went to the same biology classes.

However, the winner has to be Mariah Carey, who allegedly once said: "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff."

Now that's what you call a grasp of current affairs; I'm sure Bob Geldof is quaking in his boots.