HERE'S a piece of news to strike fear into even the staunchest musical-lover's heart.
Andrew Lloyd Webber has suggested that the rejected Nancys (that's the name of the part they failed to get, not a term of abuse) from his latest primetime dross, sorry, reality TV show, should form a girl band that would "knock Girls Aloud out of the window."
Now unless he means that literally, in which case telling the national papers of his murderous plans probably wasn't the best move, it seems further proof that Sir Andrew is becoming increasingly divorced from reality.
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Not happy with ruling the West End (how many other musical composers can you name? Stephen Sondheim, that's who, and only because Peter Kay was in The Producers), and challenging Simon Cowell's reality TV kingship (he even lounges on a throne throughout each episode of I'd Do Anything), it seems now he wants to batter the record-buying public into submission through the medium of manufactured pop delivered by five supernaturally chirpy wananbes.
The sudden empire building is so startling that even Kevin Spacey has taken time out from saving British theatre to suggest that maybe it's time the British public considered challenging themselves to something a little more intellectual. The search for the next Uncle Vanya, perhaps.
But don't laugh too hard yet. Like Dracula and Michael Howard, Lloyd Webber has something of the night about him. He turns people who watch his programmes into blankly-staring zombies and I for one wouldn't be surprised if sometime soon we see Spacey taking on the role of Van Helsing. Someone pass me a stake.
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