Will Common Sense now rest in peace?

11:03am Thursday 3rd January 2008

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Here's a funny take on the death of Common Sense' from The Politically Correct Scrapbook by John and Laura Midgley.

"Today we mourn the passing of our beloved old friend Common Sense, who was with us for many years.

"He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come out of the rain, why the early bird catches the worm, that life isn't always fair and that maybe it really was your fault.

"Common Sense lived by simple sound financial policies (like not spending more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (that adults, not children, are in charge).

"His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were put in place. Common Sense's condition worsened when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

"It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer headache pills, sun lotion or a sticky plaster to a pupil but did not need to inform the parents when a pupil became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

"Common Sense took a beating when it became apparent that people could no longer defend themselves against burglars who came into their houses - and got worse when it transpired that the burglar could even sue the homeowner for assault or injury caused while committing the crime!

"Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents; Truth and Trust, his wife Manners, his daughter Reason and his son Responsibility. He is survived by three step-brothers - I Know My Rights, Someone Else is to Blame and I'm a Victim." Never a truer word said in jest.

Santa Claus was banned from riding his sleigh on his pre-Christmas visits to a market town - because of health and safety fears.

For the past 30 years, Father Christmas has been pulled round Alnwick and villages surrounding the historic Northumberland town on a trailer owned by the district council.

The Alnwick Lions charity fundraisers organised the festive visits, but an insurance company (who else?) put a block on Santa's pre-Christmas visits.

An Alnwick District Council spokeswoman said: "Our insurance company has told us that our insurance would not be valid as the Alnwick Lions' use would not be classed as part of our core business. We always try to help with community projects, but regrettably, this is out of our hands."

Graham Luke, of Alnwick Lions, said: "It is health and safety. We have become Americanised - that's the best way of putting it. It is very frustrating because it is a tradition that has been going on for so long."

But thankfully children in the area did not miss out on the festive spirit as a local firm lent the Lions a bus to ferry Santa around, instead of his traditional sleigh. You couldn't make it up!