SOLACE: Katy Quinn with her labrador, Charlie. Mrs Quinn and her husband, Andy, are still hoping for a baby
KATY Quinn is determined some good will come from the tragic loss of her twin daughters.
She hopes that by writing her experiences down in book form she can help other bereaved parents find solace.
Her other major ambition is that it will help health professionals change how they deal with mums-to-be who don't have a live baby to take home with them after delivery.
Katy's daughters, Faith and Hope, had died in the womb before their premature birth at 24 weeks.
Their mum had suffered a complication called Twin to Twin Transfusion syndrome.
It means there are abnormal connecting blood vessels in the placenta resulting in an imbalanced flow of blood from one twin to another.
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The implications of this are serious to the survival and health of both twins and it resulted in Katy and husband Andy losing both of their babies.
Katy, aged 35, believes not enough is done in this country to help mums who have to leave hospital without a baby in their arms.
"I cannot tell you how dreadful it is to have to leave the maternity ward out of the same door as mums leaving with live babies," said Katy, who works as communications officer for Bury Council.
It is her ability to write - Katy does this on a daily basis for the council - that helped her decide to put together a book about her experiences and she hopes those experiences will help other parents.
In her book "Beyond Hope" - yet to be published - she chronicles the sad journey she and 37-year-old Andy have travelled.
Life had seemed close to perfect for Katy and Andy when they discovered they were expecting their first child.
The couple met at a speed-dating event in Manchester and everything about their relationship has been "speedy", including discovering Katy was pregnant.
"I have never been one to let things drag on so I was delighted when I realised I was pregnant," she said.
It wasn't until several months into the pregnancy that doctors discovered Katy was suffering from the complication that would, eventually, claim the lives of her daughters.
Laser ablation - a process in which vessels are separated - was the only way to save the babies and Katy jumped at the chance.
The operation was carried out and the expectant parents were hopeful their babies' lives had been saved.
But one had died. In fact it was the weaker baby - Hope - who had survived the operation. Faith had died at 21 weeks.
Then Katy learned she would have to carry the dead twin in her body for the remainder of her pregnancy and she was dispatched to the labour ward. "Not exactly where I wanted to be," she said.
The following week more crushing news was delivered by the specialist. Katy's remaining baby had an "alarming amount of fluid at the back of her head" and the term hydrocephalus was used.
This news was devastating for the couple. Katy explained: "Don't get me wrong. I don't want a blonde-haired
, blue-eyed designer baby but I do want for my child to climb trees, run full pelt down a hill and feel the exhilaration of going on a fairground ride.
"I want my child to shoved down a hill going round and round like a snowball, laughing so much your lungs could burst just like my dad had done to me.
"I want my kids to jump into sleeping bags with pillows in and bump up and down the stairs. Apparently, according to a straw poll of my friends this is an unusual thing for a kid to do but all I can say is they missed out. It was awesome fun!"
Katy wondered if she would or should terminate the pregnancy and then her waters unexpectedly broke at 24 weeks. Sadly specialists told her her baby would not be "normal" if she lived at all and she had to make the heartbreaking decision to go through with feticide to end the life of the foetus.
To make things easier for Katy if she conceived in the future, she was advised to give birth naturally and on Saturday, November 4, 2006, she gave birth to her lifeless baby daughters.
Her babies were brought to her. "They came out in a tiny Moses basket, exactly the same size as one you would play with as a small child. It was layered with frilly lace and the babies were toe to toe and fitted perfectly. The lump was visible on Hope's head which gave me the instant answer which I had been praying for. I was right. I did not kill my baby. I had done the best by her and let her go to sleep alongside her little sister."
It would be a further 12 months - in fact the anniversary of the twins' birth - before Katy was able to start to the grieving process. She had collapsed, emotionally, after suffering a breakdown.
Thanks to counselling and a realisation that the twins' disease was not her fault, Katy has come to terms with their deaths.
Now she hopes her book will help other grieving parents get to the point she has now reached.
Katy and Andy, who live in Newton-le-Willows, are trying for a baby but to fill the void in her life Katy recently got a labrador from an animal shelter and Charlie is helping her deal with the loss.
"He is something to cuddle and focus my love on," said Katy.
Although the book is ready to go for now the final chapter of Katy's book has yet to be written.
"I hope to be writing a happy ending in which I get pregnant and give birth to a healthy baby. But I will never forget my twin girls," said Katy.
FACTFILE
Twin to Twin Transfusion syndrome is a disease of the placenta that affects identical twin pregnancies. It is believed to affect one in 1,000 pregnancies. The shared placenta contains abnormal blood vessels. It is not hereditary and can occur at any time during pregnancy.
To find out more about Twin to Twin Transfusion syndrome visit www.twin2twin.org
Parents who have lost a baby before or after birth can get help and support from SANDS (Stillborn and Neonatal Death Society) at www.uk-sands.org
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