PARENTS trying to cope with the loss of a baby are often being treated badly by employers when they return to work, adding to their suffering.

According to a survey by the stillbirth and neonatal charity Sands, parents faced being fired because of absences from work. Some were made to sit away from colleagues or were compelled to provide evidence that their baby had died.

Now, Sands is calling on employers to get in touch for advice on supporting bereaved parents. And they are asking everyone to help break the “wall of silence” around baby loss with a new Finding the Words campaign.

Every day in the UK, 15 babies die before, during or shortly after they are born in a tragedy that touches whole families. When it comes time for some parents to return to work, however, their sadness is often compounded by the reaction – or lack of it – from colleagues and bosses.

Almost all parents surveyed had shared the happy news of an impending birth with colleagues. After returning, though, three in five said no-one talked to them about their loss.

Only one in five had been offered any bereavement support by their employer and almost all said employers did not discuss entitlements to pay and leave with them after the death of their baby.

Sands’ Chief Executive Dr Clea Harmer stated: “Sadly, the death of a baby is not a rare event but, too often, bereaved parents are faced by a wall of silence because people around them – family, friends and colleagues – are lost for words. We want everyone to know how to start a conversation with anyone whose baby has died, however long ago.”

Debbie Horrocks from Bolton was 32 weeks pregnant with her third child Oscar – her first with husband Warren – when she noticed one day in October, 2015 that he hadn’t moved that day.

“I went for a check at the hospital and they told me that my baby had died,” said Debbie. “It was devastating and I had to go through labour the same day to deliver him. He was perfect – he just looked like he was sleeping.”

Debbie, who works as a senior administrator for learner support at Bolton College, was not sure about returning to work afterwards. “I felt I didn’t want to face everyone. I wanted to get another job and make a fresh start,” she explained.

“But I love my job and my colleagues so I went back and everyone – including my bosses – was very supportive. I’d had scan pictures on my desk and one colleague even took them down and put them in an envelope for me because she thought it would upset me.

“It took time but I did talk about Oscar although I knew that someone was bound not to have heard about what happened. When one lady asked me how my little boy was I just felt so awful for her – she burst into tears when I told her. I still talk about Oscar but I book a day off on his birthday because I know I will be upset.”

To help cope and to help others, Debbie set up a Bolton branch of Sands with two other bereaved mums. They have members who have been treated poorly at work and some met by silence.

“It’s so important to be able to talk about your loss but, because it’s difficult, people just say nothing, which is far worse,” she said.

“Hopefully, this campaign will make people realise that it just needs a small conversation. We also want employers to see how important it is to support bereaved parents and to help them keep good employees.”

For more information about the Bolton Sands group email contactboltonsands@gmail.com or go to @boltonsands on Facebook

Caption: LOVING FAMILY – Debbie Horrocks holds a framed photo of son Oscar with her children Lily-Rose, Joshua and Demi-leigh