THE upcoming Wayne Rooney documentary on the BBC has revealed that the England captain proposed to his wife Colleen in a petrol station and often writes poetry for her.

Here at The Wonderer we have friends in high places, and so we managed to lay our hands on some of the Manchester United striker’s romantic prose.

There once was a girl called Colleen,

Who I met before turning 13,

Down at Toxteth BP I said “will you marry me?”

And we all lived happily ever after.

Manchester City, meanwhile, continue to emulate one of their biggest fans Ricky Hatton. They’ve got all the big talk but as soon as they leave UK shores they tend to get knocked out.

Chelsea are no better. They were beaten at Porto with a team of double barrelled names: Ruben Loftus-Cheek, Jon Obi-Mikel, Ivanovic Beaten-Again.

Speaking of the Blues, we all saw the pictures of John Terry this week, and I for one thought it was absolutely despicable. I mean, imagine wearing your work uniform on a day off?

It’s a fair Kop-per. Cheeky keeper Lawrence Vigoroux has been forgiven by Swindon Town for paying a £50 club fine in one penny pieces.

He had initially been sent back to Liverpool but I think he should be applauded, I mean, how many footballers do you know that can count all the way up to 5,000?

Talking of money, one lucky punter scooped £45,855.05p when Romelu Lukaku grabbed a late winner for Everton against West Brom earlier in the week.

It’s Oktoberfest in Munich and that boy Robert Lewandowski deserves a pint.

After five goals against Wolfsburg, he bagged two against Mainz and then grabbed another three against Dinamo Zagreb.

Lewandowski is so hot right now that the United Nations are checking to see if he might contribute to Global Warming.

But for some volcanic ash, the Bayern Munich striker might be playing for Blackburn right now. Let that one sink in Rovers fans.

Eight of Iran’s national women’s football team are men, a league official has claimed this week.

Mjtabi Sharifi has called for gender testing in the team, presumably after complaints that the dressing room toilet lid had been left up too many times.