FIRST Andy Townsend got the axe, now Adrian Chiles – has Roy Keane taken over as head of ITV Sport?

Twitter nearly imploded under the weight of merriment when it was announced Chiles would no longer be fronting their football coverage.

In fact I think it was the biggest show of online celebration since someone guessed 50 celebrity passwords on the iCloud last year.

He has been replaced by BBC Five Live’s Mark Pougatch, who presumably has the geographical nous to distinguish between Rio and Miami.

Personally, I think ITV have made the right decision. I have just bought a high definition television and I just didn’t factor Chiles into the equation.

Arsene Wenger has revealed he would have signed Angel Di Maria if it hadn’t been for those pesky work permits.

That’s another to add to the “should, would, could” pile that already contains Cristano Ronaldo, Lionel Messi, Zinedine Zidane and Zlatan Ibrahimovic.

Sometimes I think the Arsenal boss has more excuses than his side have had dodgy goalkeepers.

Wayne Rooney knows what he wants to do when he hangs up his boots: Go on the X Factor.

I don’t think it’s a good career move. I saw the video of him duetting with Ed Sheeran and his voice was so off key it was actually scaring the hairs from his scalp.

A Premier League survey has shown that Newcastle United fans are most likely to wear T-shirts or even go topless, despite the freezing winter weather we’ve been having.

Whenever I see a picture of a topless, long-haired brunette Geordie I always think to myself: “Andy Carroll is going to get booked in a minute.”

It has emerged that Hull’s Egyptian winger Ahmed Elmohamady rang up a taxi company to pick up his wallet from Scarborough Police Station and drop it off at his home so he could catch a flight. We still don’t know why he lost it in the first place... But I hear it was quite muggy in Yorkshire last weekend.

Apparently Cambridge United manager Richard Money has warned his players that if they will have to pay for any swapped shirts in Friday’s FA Cup clash with Manchester United. Except for Anderson – he’s giving his away for free if anyone’s interested.

Meanwhile Frank Lampard is in an awkward situation after the release of his latest children’s book: “Frankie’s New York Adventure.”

Given the messing around with his deal in MLS, it might as well have been called “Frankie and the Giant Raspberry.”