A CLICK of the button on my computer and a vital piece of Colls equipment was consigned to the dustbin of history.

What do you think has been replaced? I could probably give you as many chances as Rumpelstiltskin gave the queen to guess the right answer but I am not going to waste time.

The club’s stretcher is being retired upon delivery of a new fancy-dancy version.

You might think I am being self indulgent to write an article about a stretcher and you could have a point but I couldn’t let its passing go without comment.

I have spoken to members of the committee whose service runs into many decades and they cannot recollect any other stretcher being in operation but nobody has been able to offer me any concrete information as to how it ended up at the club.

I am not a stretcher historian and don’t know any experts in the field so I did a little research on the internet.

I typed in military stretchers on the eBay search engine and saw one that looked exactly like our buff-coloured cloth number available for £29.99.

It was collection only. So I make ours to be around 70 years old and in need of a rest.

Fortunately, it hasn’t had much service on the Alder House field in my time but it has always been up to the job when pressed into service.

Because it isn’t aesthetically pleasing on the eye it has been maligned, ridiculed, openly laughed at and, on occasions, avoided. Visiting players have miraculously recovered upon sight of the old faithful.

Beggars could not be choosers, it never let anybody down. When the Crazy Gang offered to buy a new one the offer was accepted immediately.

The old one was plonked in the dressing room corridor and the area won’t be the same without it. We might have to paint behind the area where it was stood up.

So another icon of this old ground has bit the dust. Just like the main wooden stand which was described in the book Dugouts by David Bauckman ‘as if in prayer for its continued survival’.

Other infamous disappearances over the years include the ramshackle ‘Mandela Stand’ on the clubhouse side and the communal bath in the cellar of the clubhouse.

The bath may have been bubbling hot but legend has it players came out dirtier than when they went in.

I almost forgot the chemical toilet which was in the downstairs dressing rooms before the clubhouse was extended.

It was avoided like the plague by visiting teams and the club cleaner. What’s still going strong though is the 35-year-old telly at the bar. For years it was held up by a can of cream soda and a bit of string but now looks resplendent with a new stand – and still working as well as ever.

The stretcher will not be thrown away or put on the forthcoming Guy Fawkes Night bonfire. It will be stored away for posterity. Failing that, it can always be offered up on eBay for £30.00 – Collection only!