SO the 2022 World Cup will be held just before Christmas – fantastic!

That’s my present sorted. I’ll nip to the sports shop by December 23 and England kits will all be half price by then. Bargain.

The timing makes complete sense to me. The whole process has been a complete turkey.

Rumour has it, referees won’t need vanishing spray at free-kicks, they’ll just use a line of ice cubes.

The list of downsides to a festive competition are as long as your arm: It disrupts the Premier League, jeopardises the traditional Boxing Day fixtures, means players could be burned out before the end of the season.

But on the upside, if we start the competition in November at least Wyclef Jean will be able to watch.

Hollywood star Russell Crowe sparked a wave of giddiness on t’other side of the Pennines after hinting he could be in the market to buy Leeds United.

I can see it now; my name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, husband to a murdered wife, father to a murdered son and owner of a failing football club.

Hibernian striker Jason Cummings was left with egg on his face after being banned from his local McDonalds for throwing a McMuffin at counter staff.

I sympathise with him completely – I mean, sometimes it’s 10:58am and you just want a Big Mac, not flipping breakfast.

Tread carefully in a family newspaper here, but an over-amorous couple got themselves in trouble this week by breaking into Charlton’s stadium at The Valley and ‘using’ the pitch.

They sound like sex Addicks to me.

In Europe, Borussia Dortmund boss Jurgen Klopp has given the odd explosive press conference in his time – but was upstaged this week when a WW2 bomb was found near the club’s stadium, forcing him to cancel his weekly press chat.

Italian World Cup winner Fabio Cannavaro was locked up this week after returning to his home – which had been seized by the authorities – for a swim.

Those continental types just can’t resist a dive, can they?

Finally an unidentified flying object was seen flying above the Bosphorus on Thursday night, with all flights grounded out of Istanbul.

Note to Brendan Rodgers – next time Dejan Lovren asks to take a penalty, please alert the relevant aviation authorities.

Editor’s note: The match-ball was found safe and intact on Sunday evening. Scientists are now analysing it for traces of extra terrestrial life.