MRS Wonderer has decided she wants to watch some Premier League football, so I recommended she try Sunderland.

I wouldn’t want her to get stuck in traffic, though, so I warned her he’s got to stay at the Stadium of Light until the final whistle.

The Black Cats have been made odds-on favourites for relegation in the Premier League, by their own shirt sponsors Dafabet. The quest for pure irony continues.

Manchester United have missed more targets than a cross-eyed archer this week but Louis Van Gaal has stayed jovial.

The Dutchman accepted a sheet of tactical and transfer advice from fan Hesham Bilal-Hafiz this week. Presumably Carrington was running low on toilet paper.

Everton boss Roberto Martinez insists John Stones is not for sale.

My mate Daniel wouldn’t believe me when I said his name was an anagram. He was in denial too.

It was often claimed that Robert Soldado couldn’t hit the side of a barn door at Tottenham – but his form appears to have worsened since leaving White Hart Lane.

Video footage has emerged of the hapless striker failing – twice – to kick a ball into the crowd at his new club Villarreal during his unveiling at the Spanish club.

Spurs bought him for a reported £26m and sold him for a reported £7m. I hope they kept the receipt.

Comedian Lee Nelson famously threw money at FIFA president Sepp Blatter at a press conference in the summer – but his plan appears to have backfired. He is now being forced to hold the next Confederations Cup in his back yard.

Real Madrid ace Karim Benzema has splashed out £250,000 on a 1,250 carat diamond encrusted football. Can he kick it? No he can’t.

Talking about bling, Mario Balotelli was caught by the TV cameras wearing ear-rings so outrageous they would make Pat Butcher blush. Either that or the Italian striker found somewhere novel to hang his car keys.

Meanwhile, Claudio Ranieri insists that Leicester City could become like Diego Maradona’s Napoli after signing Gokhan Inler from Inter Milan.

“I remember when nobody wanted to go to Napoli. But after Maradona, everyone wanted to go to Napoli," he reasoned.

“If we start to build, maybe in three or four years a lot of players will want to come to Leicester. Why not?”

Good to know the Foxes’ excellent start to the season hasn’t gone to anyone’s head at the King Power Stadium, isn’t it?