WHERE do you start with the unmitigated TV disaster that was Splash on Saturday night?

Seemingly filmed in a dark, flooded warehouse inhabited by slightly deranged teenage girls who scream at the very mention of Tom ‘Tiny Trunks’ Daley, it was shocking.

I can’t even go with the ‘so bad it’s good’ line – it was just bad.

The premise is half decent but not thought through.

The idea is to take some ‘celebs’ and teach them to dive like Tiny Trunks. But given that there are five ‘celebs’ and a dive takes around three seconds, that gives 15 seconds of footage. The problem is how to fill the rest of the show.

ITV’s answer appears to be lingering close-ups of female contestants climbing the diving board, totally unnecessary ‘striptease’ routines as the contestants de-robe, and Vernon Kay dressed like a desperate time-share salesman.

You have to admire the ‘celebs’ for giving it a go – you can do serious harm jumping off those boards. But it’s just not a TV show.

Add to that the totally inept camera work which missed the start of one dive and made a complete hash of what should have been a spectacular opening sequence involving real divers, and you have a shambles on your hands.