GOVERNMENT restrictions mean we cannot visit homes to pay our respects when someone dies. So, why is this proving to be so difficult for some in the Asian community?

I bring this up to simply ask people to be more responsible as we know all too well that we are causing undue issues for families.

The lockdown has led to many restrictions for all of us. People can’t visit their grandparents and parents or see them if they are in care homes. Many have had to say ‘hello’ through windows or digitally.

But when someone dies there are still some people who are blatantly ignoring this advice because we feel the rules do not matter at a time like this. I say ‘some’ as on the whole the restrictions are being adhered to.

It is not the fault of those who have been bereaved, and the last thing they are thinking about is how to stop people coming to your home. There is only so much one can do. You can send a message out asking people to stay away or you can leave a sign outside the door.

I have received many messages over the past few weeks and months requesting people to stay away.

In many cases I am afraid this has made little difference during the pandemic. We feel we are obliged to visit the house as we have always done to pay our respects. We feel that if we do not visit the family will notice our absence at a time like this. We feel that our absence will then be seen later as ‘disrespectful’. More than anything else we visit the home because we want to show that we are here for the family no matter what.

These are all good and genuine intentions.

But this can be avoided. And it is in my opinion causing major issues for families who feel they can’t say ‘no’ when someone turns up at the door. You can hardly tell them to leave. Although I am sure some people have.

It is the responsibility of all of us to ensure that we do not put pressure on the family who are dealing with a bereavement themselves. Of course this becomes more of an issue when we are related to the family. And again it is difficult not to visit someone’s home at a time like this.

Yet, by our insistence we should visit it does lead to more problems for a family who are already having to face restrictions.

What you will find is that people are more than understanding if you choose to make a call or even text at a time like this. These changes can make a difference.