There are some experiences in life that belong to millions of families, yet until they arrive at your own door, it is difficult to truly understand what they feel like.
I am fortunate that Alzheimer's has not touched my immediate family, but I have close friends who have watched someone they love live with dementia.
I have seen enough to understand that it never affects just one person.
Partners, children, grandchildren, friends and carers can all find themselves learning a new way of loving somebody.
With World Alzheimer's Day coming up on September 21, this week's column is for all of them.
Dementia is not one specific disease.
It is an umbrella term for symptoms affecting memory, thinking, and everyday life, and Alzheimer's disease is its most common cause.
One way memory loss is sometimes explained is through the image of a bookshelf.
Imagine a lifetime of memories as books.
Newer memories can become harder to reach, while memories from much earlier chapters may sometimes remain accessible for longer.
What I find beautiful about that picture is this: when some of the books become difficult to find, the person is still so much more than the bookshelf.
They are still the woman who danced to that song, the dad with the terrible jokes, the grandad who always had sweets in his pocket.
They are someone who fell in love, raised a family, made mistakes, laughed until they cried and lived thousands of wonderfully ordinary Tuesdays.
That is why music, photographs, familiar objects, smells and stories can sometimes be so meaningful.
If somebody you love is living with dementia, try creating a small memory box together.
Add photographs, a familiar scent, postcards, favourite music or something connected to a hobby.
But here is the important part: do not turn it into a test.
Instead of asking, "Do you remember this?", simply say, "I love this photograph," or play the song and enjoy it together.
If a story comes, listen.
If laughter comes, treasure it.
If nothing comes, that is okay too.
Connection does not always require remembering.
And if you are caring for somebody, please remember there is another person in this story who matters: you.
Loving somebody through dementia can bring sadness, frustration, exhaustion, tenderness and laughter, sometimes in the same day.
Asking for support does not diminish the love you are giving.
Alzheimer's Society offers free information and support for people living with dementia and everyone around them, including its Dementia Support Line on 0333 150 3456.
Thought for the week
When somebody struggles to remember the story you shared, perhaps one of the greatest acts of love is holding that chapter for both of you, for as long as needed.
Kirsty Redford is an NLP therapist and firewalk instructor, passionate about helping people understand their minds, challenge their fears and find their inner power.
Share