DETOX diets have filled the headlines, taken over the lives of celebrity trend followers, and made their creators a small fortune. But do they really work?

Does depriving yourself of life’s “sins” — such as coffee with an extra shot, alcohol in copious amounts, and chocolate by the slab — really clear your skin, increase your mental clarity and make your bowels do the Samba?

Juice Fasting

A juice fast, as I found out, lasts three days.

Three days may not sound like a long time but when you are on strict orders to avoid nicotine, alcohol, sugar, meat, caffeine and dairy produce for a week before you start, you too might lapse.

Preparing myself for this juice fast would have hindered my pre-summer beer-garden warm-up so, as you can imagine, I had to take a shortcut.

I skipped the seven-day preparation procedure and went straight in for the kill. I really took the bull by the horns, if you like.

For this diet to work, you must consume 32-64oz of juice — the equivalent of eight or nine large apples a day — which, proud as I am to say, I successfully managed.

You must also remember to match one part juice with three parts of distilled water.

Rather than work myself into a frenzy trying to experiment with an assortment of fruits, I stuck to the same three juice drinks for each day.

Breakfast: Very Berry Breakfast — eight blackberries, eight raspberries and two apples.

Lunch: Peachy Beach — two peaches, one mango, half a lemon and one cup of water.

Dinner: Water Fall — One-and-a-half watermelons, one pear, one cup of strawberries and half a cup of ice.

After effects: Fruit busting does exactly what it says on the tin. After my three days I felt more productive, and lost four pounds because, let’s face it, weight loss was my agenda.

Tip: Ease yourself back on to solid food slowly to avoid any adverse reactions. Don’t make the same mistake as I did and go straight for an Aberdeen Angus beef burger — with extra fries.

Make a variety of juices to avoid boredom.

Colon cleanse

Colonic irrigation is painless, offers great results and your dignity remains intact — despite having a tube inserted in your backside.

With the average colon sitting at five to seven feet in length and 2.5 inches in width, it came as a great surprise when it took just an hour-and-a-half to cleanse. It really was my quick answer to detoxing my inner-temple.

Depending on how squeamish you are, you can see the waste coming away through a viewing window. I must warn you though, the therapist can tell if, over the year, you have over-done it with potatoes and cheese — two of my favourite staples.

Before having 15 gallons of purified water pumped through me, I was feeling sluggish, bloated and slightly irritable. But it wasn’t until after this colonic hydrotherapy that I was enlightened as to the close link between the substances that cause our colon to clog up, and the above bodily disfunctions — thankfully not all of the following were pumped out of me.

Angela Close, of The Beauty Lounge in Bark Street East, Bolton, a qualified colonic hydrotherapist, said colon waste is toxic and poisonous, especially if it has remained in the colon for some time.

Materials include impacted faeces, dead cellular tissue, accumulated mucous, parasites and worms — such material can hinder the absorption of vitamins and minerals.

It is no surprise then, that after my colon was filled with water and my stomach area was gently massaged to release the waste stuck in my colon, I had a flatter abdomen, sharper vision and a better sleeping pattern.

Angela said: “The client will be treated in a totally private room with only you and your colonic therapist present. The therapist will fully maintain your personal dignity at all times — they are trained to help you feel at ease.

“After the gentle insertion of a small tube, you are completely covered.

“Colon cleansing is an essential component of colon health — a healthy cleansed colon equals optimum health.”

Prices: Initial consultation and treatment, £65, a course of three, £175, one treatment thereafter, £60.

Possible side effects: Headaches, shivers, cold and flu-like symptoms.

l Colonic irrigation is not an alternative to weight loss, but helps overall health.