DAHLING, of course I'll come up with some reasonable expenses now that we're parting.

You know me - ever frugal.

I've made a list of what I'm going to need, and I know you won't find it unreasonable. I've been in touch with that nice Diane Richie and she has given me a few pointers.

Well, you never stinted on spending when we were together, did you? I'm sure you would want me to be comfortable in my lonely divorced years. Hmm?

So, for the benefit of your accountant, I have drawn up this simple, teensy-weensy agenda to show where the money goes. Quite frightful when you see it written down, but there you are.

Clothes and shoes are, of course, vital to my life. They are my life.

I always buy at least one pair of Manolo Blahnik's a month, so that's £300 for a nice pair of mules, perhaps varying it occasionally with a really smart pair of Jimmy Choo's at £500.

I love Country Casuals' fashions for, well, just any time. As an example, this month I bought from Whitakers a dreamy little brown and cream outfit for £332. And that included a matching scarf and bag. I know - bargain!

No-one likes an old prune, do they? So, my skincare and cosmetic spending is an investment really.

My favourites are Estee Lauder's Perfectionist cream, a snip at £56, and Clarins' Super Restorative Serum at £62. Then I need a range of their latest cosmetics, probably £96 and my special Beyond Paradise fragrance range. Oh, say, £87, but it's marvellous stuff.

Lucinda and I feel that, for a healthy mind and body, you need massage, relaxation and pampering as, I suppose, an essential.

We usually go each month to Meridian on Churchgate for our E'Spa holistic stone therapy, £60, and algae wrap, another £42.

And if it's good enough for Victoria Beckham, a tan is good enough for me - my Mystic Tan bill there is only £40 a month.

And, it's not really naice to talk about it, but they do such wonderful things with lasers these days, and it's important to keep unwanted hair at bay. That's about £200 a month because I'm so careful about these things.

Age is starting to affect me - it can be destructive in your 30s. Those lovely people at the private clinic do wonders with my epidermis, and I just must keep attending. Around £400 a month should keep up my Botox levels and allow for the odd nip and tuck.

My hair appointment at Toni and Guy on Deansgate, naturally, is a monthly must. I only have the art director for my cut, and the head technician for my highlights, with conditioning, products to take home - probably £200.

I need to keep up my social contacts, of course. And Lucinda and the girls so enjoy our lunches at the Last Drop Hotel in Bromley Cross.

Just to give you an idea of our usual little gathering, I - as you know - love their terrine of salmon and prawns with tomato and basil salsa at lunchtime. All washed down of course, with a glass or four of their Chianti Classico. Delish!

Shall we say around £400 a month? Plus taxis?

Birthdays are in the offing, as you know, and it's important to keep up the gift-giving. So I'm thinking of that fabulous Rolex Oyster Perpetual jewelled watch from Preston & Duckworth.

It's £23,550, but I'm worth it.

This whole divorce thing is upsetting, you know, so I've booked in for regular counselling sessions. Set aside £100 a month for that, and I'll need some Silhouette sunglasses to hide my tears - £110 should cover that.

Sorry? You're having second thoughts about the divorce? Dahling, of course I'll reconsider.

Now, about my monthly allowance...