Why Cathy left home

A new multi-agency project has just been launched to raise awareness of the issue and improve the way cases are dealt with through the courts.

Today the Evening News highlights the disturbing story of Cathy (not her real name) -- she is a domestic violence survivor and one of the hundreds of women helped by the Bolton women's refuge, Fortalice.

The refuge accommodates between 125 and 135 families every year, and support many more women in the community.

Cathy -- a highly intelligent and articulate woman -- has two children from a previous marriage who left her abusive husband (with whom she had one child) two years ago.

She reveals to reporter Irma Heger her 12 years of hell behind closed doors, how she managed to escape and how she has now managed to turn her life around.

Soon after meeting her husband in 1987, Cathy fell pregnant and the beatings began.

"He kicked me, punched me, strangled me -- I thought he was going to kill me.

But when it happened the first time, I thought it would be a one-off.

I really loved him and knew he had had unhappy experiences in his life.

It wasn't my first marriage and I wanted it to work.

He had a history of violence with previous partners but I didn't know that then.

After that first beating I was covered in bruises from top to bottom and he kept me in the bedroom for a week until most of the bruising had faded.

If my daughter wanted to come in he would pull the curtains so it was dim.

But I naively thought the new baby would take the focus off me and he would be happy.

In fact, he was physically violent with the children.

He used to call it 'discipline'.

He would shut himself in the room with them.

He would hit my eldest child with a stick and humiliate her.

She once wet her knickers and he made her wear a nappy when she was in secondary school.

Or our child might have been playing out and get home a couple of minutes late -- so he would ground her for a week.

He would be worse when he was drunk, but he could be equally as violent without the alcohol.

It seemed to come out of nowhere. I would say the wrong thing -- it was as though he needed to justify it.

I would cook him a breakfast and if the yolk of the egg was broken he would scrape the whole meal off the plate into the bin and say: 'What do you think you are doing, serving me **** like that.'

We used to dread him coming home and he had absolute control over us.

The physical occurrences weren't that regular. But he would corner me in a room -- the bathroom was a favourite -- and prevent me from leaving the house.

I had to stay there and participate in this argument and he would keep me up all night.

Sometimes he wouldn't allow me to get up and go to the toilet.

If I needed any medical attention he would come with me and give a different version of events.

He once hit me and I fell on my back in the road.

Some people who were passing phoned the police and when they came he told them: 'She's just had a few too many'.

So the police attended but they didn't speak to me. This wasn't in Bolton.

He also had some sexual preferences and had ideas of what he wanted me to do. He used to provoke rows so he could have his own way sexually. If I didn't do what he asked he threatened to take our child away.

He would always use the threat that he would go away and take the child with him.

There seems to be a common pattern where these abusive men have so much control of you that you believe it's your fault, which almost makes you collude with them.

You have this feeling you are not worth anything and I did get very depressed.

But you feel grateful that they are still with you.

It's very difficult to explain now. They have control of every aspect of your life -- what you wear, what music you listen to, I wasn't allowed to listen to certain kinds of music.

I had stress-related illnesses and my medical condition meant I shouldn't even be driving my car, but he had me going out to work.

I couldn't see a way out.

I was a long distance away from my friends and family, he had control of the money and I didn't have any transport.

After a while friends drop you because you can't keep arrangements. Visits were rare and the atmosphere would be horrible.

But nobody knew what went on at home. They just knew I wasn't happy.

His mother tended to collude with him, saying: 'He's always been a bit funny'. So I never told her the full story.

But one day, he assaulted our child. She said: 'I'm running away from home'.

Once she said that we were off within a fortnight.

I took two weeks to plan my leaving. I got together all my important documents, some of my most treasured photographs and objects of great sentimental value.

I gave my daughter a bag and told her to pack things she couldn't live without, and we went into a refuge for five months.

The first night we got into bed at the refuge, I slept all through the night for the first time, feeling safe for the first time. I have moved on now and I do feel all right, thanks to the support I've had.

My eldest one has never had counselling but she does need it and she still has nightmares. My other child has counselling.

She has problems at school. She can't concentrate, she is lots in stuff going on inside her head. Thinking back, I'm absolutely disgusted when I think of my husband and how I could have been intimate with him. It makes my flesh crawl.

Domestic violence can happen to anybody and quite often it goes unreported.

It really does cut right across society.

What most women really need, I believe, is this.

When the police are called, the violent partner has to be taken away from home and kept away, so that time can be used for the woman to get together essential belongings.

It's amazing what you can do in 24 hours when you don't have to keep looking through the window.

Also, the legal system has to recognise that domestic violence is as much a crime as any other violence. They need to take into consideration the long term effects on children.

Everyone -- police, magistrates -- needs to handle it a little more effectively and sympathetically."