IT’S almost transfer deadline day, so all across the country football fans will have one eye on the TV wondering why Jim White has never managed to find his volume button.

Sky Sports News’ sense of self-importance has already gone into overdrive as they flogged an online petition to make TDD a national holiday.

More than 10,000 people signed it, shame on them, but to put that into context, more than 150,000 people downloaded that god awful Wealdstone Raider song at Christmas, so it takes all sorts.

We already know that one time-honoured TDD tradition has fallen by the wayside.

Thanks to a few bits of latex and some choice language, Sky’s long-suffering reporters will not be surrounded by fans, or in some cases escapees from the loony bin.

The downside to all that, however, is that these people need somewhere to go and it may now be more difficult to get in the front door at McDonalds.

For the keen-eyed, TDD become a bit like birdwatching as you tick off the sights and sounds. Award yourself a score for extra fun.

Ten points for seeing the lesser spotted Alan Curbishley as he makes his biannual appearance. A bonus five for the non-descript reporter whose importance is illustrated by the fact he has more than one mobile phone.

It’s five points for each time Sky Sports runs a denial on a story they broke earlier in the day.

Example, 3pm: Sky Sources understand Bolton Wanderers are in talks with Lionel Messi.

Then 4pm: Lionel Messi rules out a move to Bolton Wanderers, Sky Sources understand.

Ten points each for Harry Redknapp peering out of a Range Rover window, silhouettes in the windows at Old Trafford/Etihad, or Peter Odemwingie being denied access to a club building.

It’s 20 points if a player uses a helicopter to travel between clubs or phones the studio to dispute a story being run on the yellow ticker.

This year there will be a special bonus of 100 points if Bryan Swanson has a breakdown and tears the Skypad off its hinges, smashing it on the floor.

But TDD also has a language of its own, and here’s a few key phrases to help you through the process.

Player is yet to put pen to paper: The footballer in question is blanking phone calls from the club that wants to sign him as his agent phones every club contact in his mobile trying to get a better deal. See also ‘weighing up options.’

Sky Sources: One of the researchers in the back has just read a newspaper.

You’ll hear it here first: We’ll break the news to you, provided you have no access to any other forms of media.

The clock is ticking: An allusion that time operates differently on deadline day, even though you’ll still pass by 10.30pm with several deals still completely up in the air which won’t be verified by the Premier/Football League until 24 hours later.

Window slams shut: Someone turns off the club fax machine and goes home.

Right out of left field: We had no idea about the story until it was just announced officially by the clubs involved.