SCUSE-A me, ma'am, your parcel's chunky,

Hand it to me and I'll make it funky.

Yes I will, man, cos I've been rapping, down the old Market Hall, man.

And it helps Jack the guide dog to get into the festive spirit too

WELL, actually, I haven't. I've been wrapping down AT the old Market Hall.

It was all the fault of features editor Angela Kelly.

"Fancy doing a spot of rapping in the tiled area between the Market Hall and Market Place?" she asked, with a wicked twinkle.

It looked like I was going anyway, so I said a polite "Yeah man" -- and buckled down to some research.

I bought the music of rap artists Merlin, Naughty by Nature and Doctor Ice and for seven whole nights, practised my sole slidin' in the shower cubicle.

That's the trouble with this dratted English language. When someone says a word that sounds the same, whether or not it's spelt with a "W", there's no way of knowing.

That, in a nutshell, is how I came to join the merry band of volunteers wrapping Christmas parcels to raise funds for Bolton's Guide Dogs for the Blind training centre.

The soul sliding became Sellotape sticking as people flocked to have gifts in all shapes and sizes expertly gift wrapped.

Last year, the Guide Dogs team were left stunned when a three-week gift wrapping service raised £7,000.

This year, the service runs until Christmas Eve and business is brisk.

What makes the whole operation such a success -- besides the efforts of the teams of wrapping volunteers -- is the generosity of the Market Hall traders.

They donate all the paper, sticky tape, bows and baubles the wrappers need.

The team simply asks people to drop a donation into a bucket for every item gift wrapped. So every penny raised goes to guide dog training.

Rod Arthern, fund raising development officer, said: "We couldn't do any of this without the fantastic support we get from the wonderful, friendly stallholders in this Market Hall. They are the best."

Rod was hard at work on the stall with volunteers Helen Aldcroft, Angela Dumper and Pauline Curwell-Parry when the BEN called.

But up to Christmas, more than 30 people will work in shifts on the stall. It is open from 10am to about 6pm every day.

As well as the volunteers there are guide dog users, staff and puppy walkers from the Lowndes Street training centre regularly calling to give their support.

The guide dogs charity is so respected and so strongly supported in Bolton that life was hectic while the BEN was there.

But at least they didn't face the same challenge as last year when a man who had bought his wife an ironing board for Christmas rolled up with it for a bemused Rod to wrap.

The man was so amazed when he completed the task, that he dropped £10 in the bucket.

Rod and his team seemed to have practised their wrapping technique to perfection, but I offered to help with a parcel or two before I left.

Have you ever tried to wrap a full sized football in crinkly paper that won't bend? In the end, the team decided that Kate Slater's guide dog Jack -- who was there attracting adoring crowds -- could probably have made a better job with his teeth.

Before I left, I couldn't resist asking Jack what he thought of my wrapping. Quick as a tail wag came the verdict.

"RRROUGH!"