JASMUHEEN, aka Ellen Greve, is a glamorous blonde spiritualist who lives in Australia. She also professes to have eaten nothing for sevenyears and lives solely on "God's light", WITNESS, CH4, Sunday.

Jasmuheen reckoned her abstinence from food or water could only help solve the problem of hunger and starvation in the Third World and, in this programme, we met some of her equally batty, and probably down-right ravenous followers.

They were all starving themselves in an attempt to "find God". One bloke told us that "yesterday felt like Good Friday, I want to see if I reach Easter Sunday". I could just about hear his inaudible whisper due to the fact his throat rasped and crackled through lack of water and he was obviously in extreme pain after three days of fasting. What a nutter.

Meanwhile, Jasmuheen was busy flitting round Melbourne in her flashy BMW, obviously bought with God's light. When she wasn't doing that, she was working out on her home multi-gym or telling us about her plans to take her beliefs to Hollywood. And still her disciples carried on without their tucker.

But it was when she agreed to be locked up for a week with, of course, no food or water, just to prove you can live on light alone that she came a cropper. Within three days she was out. Feeling ill and dehydrated. And dying for a Vegemite butty and a can of Fosters no doubt.

Beverly's back

SO, the "beautiful Beverly Callard" (not my description you understand) is back in CORONATION STREET, GRANADA, and she's blonder and bustier than ever. How long, do you think, before she starts a passionate affair with the David Essex of the street, Dev of course? Then we'll all have to endure the sickening sight of the witch-like Liz puckering up for all she's worth. Ugh, doesn't bear

thinking about does it?

And while we're on the street, I've suddenly realised who David Platt really is. He's the long-lost love-child of Arthur Askey and Jimmy Clitheroe. With a rather strong penchant for hair gel.

This miss was a hit

NEAR MISS, CH4, Sunday went behind the scenes of three New York airport's traffic control departments - JFK, La Guardia and Newark, the busiest.

Watching these people juggle the take off and landings of around 1800 planes a day in each airport, made be slightly nervous to say the least. And when I saw the antiquated equipment they use to do their job, my annual holiday to the sun didn't seem all that attractive anymore.

Cosy comfort

HEARTBEAT, with Fiona Dolman as Jackie Bradley, is back for a new series, GRANADA, Sunday and I for one am delighted. Why? Well, it means cosy log fires, winter-wonderland

scenery and, aside from the odd hiccup for the village police, an escape into the real "feel-good" factor of life.

Promising Pete

I'M a massive fan of Pete Postlethwaite so I was determined not to miss THE SINS, BBC1, Tuesday.

Postlethwaite played getaway driver, Len Green who'd been released from jail after a four-year spell behind bars.

His gangland pals had organised a welcome home party -- the highlight being the obligatory stripper popping out the cake. Hilarity ensued when she got stuck and ended up falling off the stage, covered in a nice, fluffy Victoria sponge. The party fell flat after that, especially since Len had informed his pals he was now going straight.

His wife, Gloria -- played by Geraldine James -- was equally horrified at this revelation. She wouldn't be able to get the best tables in restaurants anymore and who would pay the hefty mortgage on their mansion in Paradise Drive? Worse still, she'd have to do her own nails!

But Len was adamant -- he wanted a proper, respectable job and ended up going into the family business -- an undertakers run by his uncle, played by a sinister-looking Farnworth-born, Frank FInley.

This is a promising series. Mixing crime with humour can be dodgy. But this one's got it right.

Stop the snogging

I KNOW it stops them from ruining another couple but every time I see Pat and Frank Butcher snog in EASTENDERS, BBC1, I simply want to hurl. Mind you, who wouldn't on seeing that big, red moon face and those whiter than white gnashers looming towards you. I'd scarper faster than you could say "runaround naah". A massive round of applause though to Natalie Cassidy, alias Sonia, for her brilliant acting in Thursday's episode.

Search for Lucie is still going on

DISPATCHES: THE SEARCH FOR LUCIE, CH4, Thursday showed the determination of the father of Lucie Blackman, the 22-year-old Briton who vanished from Tokyo a couple of months ago.

Lucie had been working as a hostess in the Casablanca nightclub where she was paid hefty sums of money to drink and chat with rich Tokyo businessmen.

A hidden camera revealed the absolute seediness of the whole set-up.

The girls -- all blonde, blue-eyed and Western -- were incredibly young.

And although they believed themselves to be streetwise, they came across as vulnerable and very naive. Just like Lucie.

Weddings from hell

IT'S said that every young girl dreams of her wedding day -- big, over-the-top and the stuff of fairytales.

So WEDDINGS FROM HELL 11, GRANADA, Thursday proved just how things can go wrong, no matter how much forward planning. There was the groom that left his wedding to play footy, the couple that couldn't say their vows for giggling and the vicar that failed to turn up.

Best by far though was the parents who couldn't make it to their daughter's wedding in St Helena. They had a ceremony themselves -- with two tailor's dummies for the bride and groom. Excellent!

ONE TO WATCH THIS WEEKEND ...

PARKINSON, BBC1, Saturday. Not only because Parky is quite simply the God of the talk show but because, this week we're treated to an exclusive interview with non-other than the helium-voiced David Beckham. Apparently the football star's been having coaching sessions so he can answer the questions put to him. Bless.

... AND ONE TO MISS ....

SINGLED OUT, CH5, Saturday. Because this is a dated, tired show and as limp and uninteresting as its sad and sorry contestants.