TWO gay Bolton women have decided to speak out about their life together.

Tess Simpson and Marie Hamer say they want to "put the record straight" after the council's Tory leader Cllr Norman Critchley condemned another lesbian couple's recent "gay wedding" at Bolton Town Hall. Tess, 34, and Marie, 24, say they hope their story will help members of the public to see them as people and not simply as gay.

Although Marie and Tess do not live together full-time, they are almost inseparable and Marie spends a great deal of time at Tess's home in Great Lever.

She helps care for Tess's three sons, who are all aware of their mother's relationship with her.

The couple claim that contrary to popular belief, children who live with gay parents do not have a problem recognising their own sexuality.

Tess and Marie got together two years ago. Tess had been married but says she always felt something was not quite right. Marie had been confident with her own sexuality for many years.

It was more difficult for Tess to come to terms with her feelings than it was for Marie. But thanks to the support of their families and friends the couple have survived where others might fail.

Many of their friends are gay, not because there is safety in numbers, they say, but because they are good friends.

The gay community in Bolton is just that, a true community, they explained.

When they are with their friends Tess and Marie say they believe they can more readily show affection. But in front of the children, or in public, they could be any other female friends.

They choose to be discreet not only to prevent their own embarrassment but to avoid embarrassing others.

They enjoy socialising in gay pubs basically because they "have more fun there". Yet they feel equally at home on a night out with their "straight" friends.

And they say neighbours are offended if they are not invited to their parties, choosing to be a part of the couple's life rather than shun them.

"Who wears the trousers in your household?" is a popular question and is, Marie and Tess point out a frequent misconception about gay relationships.

They say there is no need for a dominant male figure or a feminine figure in a gay relationship.

Tess is very gently spoken, Marie has marginally more forceful opinions. But both are proud to be female and do not try to pretend to be anything other than women.

Marie believes the myth was created when being gay was far less acceptable even than it is today. One partner would try to pass herself off as a man to make their relationship appear more traditional and therefore acceptable.

But Marie and Tess point out that the clothes they wear are comfortable rather than masculine.

Marie said: "I wear what I wear to be comfortable, not to conform to a stereotype.

Another myth which Tess and Marie are eager to banish is that they "don't hate men".

Marie explained: "Many people assume that all lesbians are men haters. This is absolutely not true."

Tess said: "We are just ordinary people who happen to be happy."

Marie and Tess say they do not flaunt their sexuality. They bicker, fall out, share household chores and do the shopping, just as any other couple.

They say they simply want to be accepted, and to be seen as individuals with feelings.

They were angry when the Bolton town hall "wedding" made national news for what they feel were "all the wrong reasons".

They believe gay people should have the same rights as straight couples.

If Tess was to die, Marie would not get custody of her children, despite the fact that Tess would want the boys to be brought up by her partner.

Even if they were to take part in a "wedding" ceremony they would have no more rights as the ceremony has no legal significance.

Marie said she could not understand why Cllr Critchley felt Bolton Town Hall should not be used for a gay wedding ceremony.

She said: "We pay our council tax. Why should we not use the town hall?"

She feels the only way to make people understand is to speak out. "People are ignorant. They feel that being gay is dirty or disgusting.

"What they don 't understand is that we are just the same as everyone else. When we are cut we bleed the same colour.

"This is 1996 and things should be improving. People should be starting to understand or at least make an effort to understand."

Tess and Marie do not have a problem talking to people about the way they choose to live their lives.

They will talk, quite openly, about being gay.

Tess said: "I was in a pizza take-away shop the other day when a man saw a woman give her friend a peck on the cheek.

"He turned to me and said he thought they were lesbians, as he obviously thought it was a funny thing to say.

"I told him I was gay, and once he got over the initial shock he was really interested to talk to me and I had a good chat."

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