WHAT on earth do those parents think they're doing?

The decision by Adrian and Jackie Cook to let their flame-haired daughter Sarah marry - albeit illegally - the 18-year-old she met on holiday last June when the family went to the Turkish holiday resort of Alanya has certainly let them in for a rough ride.

That's not surprising as the situation must be viewed as complete madness by most sane people.

Now, it's compounded by an interview by Sarah to a Sun reporter where she says that she wants to be a mother by the time she is 14. She states that she and her "husband" Musa Komeagae "plan to start a family very soon".

"I really want a baby," she insists. "Musa is my life. We both want children and I am not taking the Pill so there is no reason why I can't get pregnant right away."

Cast aside for a moment if you can the seeming irresponsibility of that statement, the parents' almost blind consent and the apparent inability of British social workers and educationalists to actually do anything about it.

Look instead at what led up to the situation.

Up to not very long ago, Sarah appears to have had all the usual pre-teenage angst that affects schoolgirls all over the world.

She was your average slightly chubby, freckly 12-year-old who was fed up with being teased and who, according to national newspaper reports, felt unloved.

Since she went to Turkey, she has felt "beautiful and loved." Girls of 13 are more precocious today than they were 10 years ago, and perhaps even an older boyfriend seemed an acceptable idea.

They certainly have very positive ideas about their lives, what they want to change about themselves and how their lives will shape up.

But if, at this point, instead of acquiring a husband, Sarah had insisted on having her lovely red hair shaved off, a ring inserted into her nose and another in her ear with a chain between the two, would her parents have happily nodded their agreement?

Girls of 12 and 13 can be fanciful creatures. They long for the perceived "perfection" of womanhood. They want to experiment with their looks (dye their hair, have several earrings, invest in outrageous clothes.) It's all a search for approval from their peer group. "Let's shock Mum and Dad by . . ."

The average parent has faces this trait in one form or another, and gets past it.

"No, you can't dye your hair green . . . have an earring in your navel....wear black lipstick to school."

It's BECAUSE we love them that we stop them pandering to their own excesses. We know it really is just a phase, that it will pass, that they will most likely become moderate teenagers, eventually.

There might be an awful lot of trauma to experience first, but, God willing, we will all eventually make it to a more rational person. Children grow - and not just physically. They change their ideas, their personality traits, their ambitions.

While to young Sarah now, the idea of a crummy two-room flat shared with her in-laws in a remote Turkish town, may seem like bliss because she is with her Love, will she feel the same in a year's time?

With a young baby, living in an alien culture, she may feel the lifestyle is stifling. On the other hand, she may still be deliriously happy.

But other females' experiences indicate that this type of relationship is already heavily loaded in favour of the man, and against the woman.

And do the Cooks seriously believe they will become proper grandparents to any resulting children from this union? At this distance? A whole culture away? It's unlikely.

Tough love is about having the real welfare of your child at heart and taking decisions that may hurt them initially because long-term they will be better off.

Sadly, the Cooks have given into the demands of an obviously much-loved child - instead of standing far enough back and asking "but is it BEST for her?"

It's easy to look at child-brides around the world and rationalise "well, it worked for them".

But Juliet was only 13 when she thought she knew her mind about her future partner.

And that ended in tears as well.

Converted for the new archive on 14 July 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.