NEITHER Spain nor Holland have shifted into top gear this World Cup and yet they will be the ones competing for the top prize come Sunday evening.

The Dutch cantered into the final, seemingly on the back of Wesley Sneijder’s propensity for lucky bounces, while we saw England’s conqueror’s Germany vanquished last night by a team that seemed content to pass their opponents into submission.

Spain had only scored six goals en route to the semis – so you could probably have forecast a tight affair – but it was a shock to see Joachim Loew’s free-flowing team look so cautious until it was much too late.

The first half was described as “a game of chess” so many times, I actually switched over to Eurosport 12 to see if I could tune in to the highlights of Anan v Topolov in order to compare and contrast. It turns out the board game was actually better viewing.

Through the boredom it was worth noting that Pedro – making his first start for his country – actually managed to exhibit more of a goal threat than Fernando Torres has over an entire tournament.

The Barcelona youngster missed a gilt-edge chance shortly after Villa’s exit but he surely deserves to retain his shirt.

After Alan Hansen has eulogised unnecessarily about the two teams’ defensive systems, it was a relief to see a bit more pace about the second half. And who would have thought that Carles Puyol could produce a header with such purchase, given a barnet that would have made Ivan Campo blush?

The semi-final also marked the return of a phrase lost to commentary since the days of Ron Atkinson, as Mark Lawrenson claimed “rinky-dink free-kick” in the name of the BBC. He needs only now to mention “handbags” and “eyebrows” and he can jump straight into the vacant seat alongside Clive Tyldesley any time.

I half expected him to sum up with another Big Ron classic, which seems particularly relevant given the result: “You know what Clive, there’ll be no siestas in Madrid tonight.”