CHELSEA crashed out of Europe this week, leaving Greece totally jealous.

The Blues couldn’t get in Top Gear even though celebrity fan Jeremy Clarkson was at Stamford Bridge. But at least Jose Mourinho had someone else to blame.

A few vicious rumours this week claim Piers Morgan is being lined up as Clarkson’s replacement on the popular motoring programme, if he gets the boot from the BBC.

They might well seek Chelsea’s advice for that one. In Fernando Torres, they too took a multi-million pound asset and turned it into a laughing stock.

Tuesday’s Champions League game gave us lots to go on; for example, a lot of people are saying Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s foul on Oscar was never a red card.

It looked red from where I was sat on the settee – or are we going to have that flipping dress debate again?

Did you see the marking for Thiago Silva’s goal? John Terry mistook Gary Cahill for a PSG player and tried to wrestle him off the ball. Mind, he has always had a hands-on approach when it comes to his team-mates.

Elsewhere, West Ham’s £12million Ecuadorian Enner Valencia injured himself in a novel way this week – cutting his big toe on a broken mug.

Sorry Big Sam, but that’s as close as he’s going to get to a cup this season.

Arsenal will unveil their new signing Wellington Silva next season, FIVE YEARS after paying Brazilian club Fluminese for his services.

The Gunners have been forced to bypass work permit laws by loaning out the striker – dubbed the next Neymar – to various European clubs.

It has taken since 2011 for him to become “Spanish” – which is weird. It took Schteve McClaren about six months to go Dutch.

Celtic boss Ronny Deila ideally wants his team to be “24 hour athletes.”

The Scottish giants have just been linked with a summer swoop for Dermot O’Leary.

Disney have announced they will be doing a live action version of Dumbo, directed by Tim Burton.

Manchester United’s Adnan Januzaj has been doing a good Bambi impression for a while now – but my money is still on Gary Lineker getting the lead role.

Everton and England defender Leighton Baines needs to have a quiet word with his barber after popping up on ITV on Thursday night looking like Lloyd Christmas from Dumb and Dumber.

That said, I never knew they did haircuts in the Pound Bakery.